Monday, January 23, 2017

My Fight With Fear

I was reading the account of the Israelites when they saw the Egyptian soldiers coming after them. God had just delivered them from 400 years of bondage and they’d witnessed the amazing feats the Lord performed through the ten plagues. Listen to what they said as they saw the clouds of dust from the chariots and horses feverishly advancing toward them: “Is it because there were no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? Why have you dealt with us in this way, bringing us out of Egypt? Is this not the word that we spoke to you in Egypt saying, ‘Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians’? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness.” (Exodus 14:11-12)

They were lying through their chattering teeth! They were getting out of Egypt as fast as they could when the time came. Fear will do that to you. It will rewrite your history.  Fear will make the bondage you came out of shine with a glow it NEVER possessed-- all because the blank screen of the future is unclear.  You have to pull yourself together, Girl! Don’t swallow the lies your fake friend Fear tells you. “I’m only trying to protect you from harm and from looking like a fool,” she says. Fear has a vivid imagination. She paints in detail all the things that will go wrong if you trust God. She makes “safe” look like a beautiful, cushy place when in reality it is ugly with disobedience, unbelief, and boredom!

I recall MANY times when fear tried all of the above on me. (She has me on speed-dial. You too?) Her best tactic with me is, “There’s no money for that.” She used it to try to keep me out of seminary. Keith and I didn’t have two pennies to rub together, and I was at home full time homeschooling our three children. I’ll tell you some other time how the Lord called me to go back to school, but God made it plain He wanted me to go. None of it made sense. What about the children? Keith worked days so how was all of that going to work out? Online was not an option for the schools I wanted to attend. Ladies, when all of those questions come up that you don’t have an answer for, you gotta pass the buck to God! He can handle it!

I applied for seminary and was accepted, but I still didn’t know how I would pay for it.

God led me to the biography of a man named George Mueller. I consider him the prince of faith in God. God led George Mueller to start I don’t know how many orphanages with not ONE fundraiser or request of ANY kind to anyone but Him. You heard me right. He only went to God in prayer and every. single.  time., God showed up. For example, one day they had run out of food. Mueller had all the children get up that morning and sit at the table as usual. They prayed for God to provide breakfast. Then came the knock at the door. It was the milk man. His truck had broken down, and he wondered if they could use the milk. Then came the baker. God had awakened him early and impressed upon him to bake enough bread to take to the orphanage. Stuff like that happened all the time with Mueller.

With this story burning a hole in my heart, I asked God if I could trust Him like that. “Lord, may I get Your permission to commit to not take out any student loans to pay for school for me?” Our Daddy granted permission and then the games began!! Was I scared? Yes. Did I have times when I wished I’d done it like normal people and took out loans? Sadly, yes, but if I had gone that route, I would have missed out on all God did in those years.

I gotta get ready for work, so I will continue this tomorrow. Just let me leave you with this. Fear is a thief of godly adventure. She is always telling lies on God and trying to kidnap you from your purpose. Without faith it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 12;6).  So, Girls, let’s get to “faithin’”!


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  2. OK, so what happen next? I want to know how God paid for school?

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  3. I am all too familiar with fear. It gets me the most lately with being a failure, and all that comes along with that. Instead of trusting God with it, and putting it in His hands. I'm not overwhelmed by fear as much anymore (I'm working on it) but boy how it sneaks up on me! Thank you for this. <3