Doodles on Discipline

Discipline. Don't you just love it? Me neither, but it is a must if we're ever going to get anything done.

This morning it was all I could do to stay in that chair to type those entries on my paper. Suddenly, doing the laundry looked more appealing, oh, and sucking the lint off the coils in back of my fridge--a must-do, right? 

  Discipline has never been a strength of mine. How about you? No, anytime I've been disciplined, it had a little sweat on it. I guess that's what discipline is, something you work at until it becomes a part of you. 

  Someone I know who seems to have been disciplined all her life talked about what got her there. She said, "You just do it. Don't think about it, or you'll talk yourself out of it. Just get moving. Just do it."

I've been in "just do it mode" before. My legs would swing over the side of the bed, ignoring the pleas to sleep just five more minutes. Sometimes I remind myself what shape I'm in and it motivates me to go walking. I am not in that mode with exercise right now. I want to get back to that place in that part of my life. What about you? Where do you want to build a habit? Your prayer life? Exercise? Making time for relationships instead of always putting them off? 

What part do you believe God plays in forming a habit? Do you think He leaves that part of our lives up to us? 

I think we can always ask Him to help us have the mindset we need to get disciplined. We can get so bogged in the trying that we forget the why. There has to be a why or it's just tedious and boring! Am I right?

 Ok, so think now of your area that's in need of discipline. Got it? Now answer the why question. In other words, what is the point? What benefits will you get if you discipline yourself?

Here is the clincher: how badly do you want the result?  This colors every aspect of it. What you are aiming to accomplish has to mean more to you than all you have to go through to get it. 

I have a quote on my wall that says it in a nutshell. Muhammad Ali said, " I hated every minute of training, but I said, 'Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.'"

Could it be we need to go ahead and admit that some things just aren't worth what it takes to get them? No shame, just getting honest with ourselves. A muffin top is not so bad if it means giving up sweating and grunting and "all like-o'-that" as my  mom-in-law says. 

Some things don't mean what they should to us. For those, we call on God to change our perspective. Do you believe He will? It beats all the squirming in guilt, I think. 

One last thing on this topic. I think the biggest enemy of discipline is perfectionism. We set out with the goal of licking a problem definitively and for all time, amen. 

Baloney! 

We defeat ourselves from the get-go. Oh, we say nobody is perfect, but in our minds we aim for it anyway. Then, we get discouraged because the exquisite portrait we painted in our heads is poorly reflected in the lopsided- stick-man, colored-outside-the lines that is our reality. God has been saying to me for quite sometime, "Don't look at Me. That portrait in your head is one of YOUR making. I called you to something better than perfection. I called you to walk in step with Me--even with your stumbling and missteps. I said to take up my yoke and LEARN of Me. I don't need your perfection and you don't either. " 

Chew on that, my friends, and share with me your thoughts. 

A Hard Day

Somebody hurt my feelings today.

No use trying not to think about it. It's all I can think about. You know, sometimes you're not ready to be made to feel better. Sometimes you want to be given time to get to wanting help to feel better, don't you?

It was a remark that took me by surprise. I never trusted this person completely anyway, but just when I let my guard down and acted  like it might be a normal relationship after all, WHAM!

 No more. 

I don't think God wants us to be fools who keep going back for a bloody nose. 

This remark was a jab at a weak spot I can't do anything about. No, not a weak spot, just a step below their step. This remark revealed what I've suspected all along. It's kind of like when you walk and your slip peeks out every few steps. 

Anyway, I can spiritualize this and come up with a happy ending, but I'm too tired for that. 

It's late and I'll likely be over it tomorrow when you read this post.

Thanks, Folks, for stopping by like you do! 

Enjoy God's Forgiveness!

Guilt. There is no feeling like it. It's a nasty feeling like when I skip a day taking a shower..except the feeling is on the inside. For me, it starts like piercing in the middle  of my chest. Then that dirty feeling hops a ride through every vein in my body and spreads the news, " She did it again! How could she? How many times is she gonna do this? I thought we were at least done with THIS sin." 

My spirit cowers because it agrees with everything that's said.

I know forgiveness is available for the asking, but my sense of unworthiness says, " No, don't ask for it just yet. You don't deserve a quick forgiveness. You should suffer a little before you go plunge in the cleansing flood."  Anyone been there too?

So,  on your weaker days, you stay a while outside the Pool, lingering long enough to let the guilt get in a few extra punches before you jump in. 

You may stay away from your Bible awhile because the guilt is already intense and you're afraid if you read, you'll feel even worse, and you don't know if you can take it. Maybe you even stay away from church, waiting for the sting to wear off so you can stand to face everyone. Friend, your guilt has morphed into shame! 

This is exactly what the enemy wanted. Don't give him the satisfaction!

I remember as a child, along with other kids on the free lunch program at school, being shamed out of  going inside to get the meal being offered. I allowed those bullies to keep me hungry all day because I tried to act like I wasn't hungry.  I can hear you saying it now, "But you WERE hungry, and that's what the lunch program was for!" 

Same with forgiveness. We ARE guilty and that's what the blood of Christ is for. Don't allow the bully of shame to make you stand outside and go without what God provided. Guilt is what forgiveness is for! Don't go hungry for His forgiveness. He WANTS you to take it.

No more lingering outside to self-flog or let the enemy get in an extra lick either. Jesus already took all the licks you need. Your taking a few extra is disrespectful of what He did. He meant it when He said, "It is finished," so let it be finished. 

So what do you do with that sense of indebtedness you feel at receiving something so wonderful and undeserved? You just wanna pay Him back, don't you? Pay it in the currency that God accepts: show that same forgiveness to somebody else. Despite your anger with them, you are more undeserving of God's forgiveness than you feel they are of yours. This forgiveness stuff becomes less between you and your offender and more between you and God. You owe God the forgiving of your offender. 

Friend, this is good news! Step in, receive that wonderful, undeserved, unfair forgiveness then turn around and give it to someone else.

A Test of Faith

Remember when I told you that the Lord had given permission to not borrow money to go to school but to trust Him to provide?

Well, one semester something went wrong. I can’t remember what it was, but there was no money for that semester’s classes. What to do?

I can still see it in my mind’s eye; sitting in my car in the parking lot of the school wrestling with what? My vow? Myself? God? Whoever was in the ring with me was not getting any rest. See, the school had a program where you could fill out a form (it was on blue paper) if you were having trouble with tuition. I hated those forms because they seemed to ask everything from what your income was to what color underwear your grandmother was wearing when Kennedy was killed. I tried to fill it out, but I kept getting stuck. There was this nagging voice (not audible) that kept frustrating the process. The interchange went something like this:

Voice: Not speaking but going tap…tap…tap…tap on my conscience.

Me: Ignore…fidget…squirm…try to concentrate on filling out the form.

Voice: Nudge…nudge… poke…. “I thought we had an agreement.”

Me: SIGH….stare straight ahead. Clearing my throat.

Voice: “Remember? No taking out loans.”

Me: “This is not a loan. They will pay my tuition up front and then over the semester I will pay the money…back.”

Voice: Not saying a word…just letting my eyes land on the top of the page of the form where it read “Loan Application for Student Aid”

That was it. I tore it up right there in the car.

So how was I supposed to pay for classes?

Oh! I remember now why I had no school money: the scholarship awards were split. I had already received the first half, and the new term had begun long before the second half of the award was due me.

You have to know me to understand why all of this was such a big deal. I am a rule follower. I am unassuming. Nobody owes me anything and I do not ask people to bend the rules for me. It simply isn’t done. God has a way of challenging our trumped-up principles. We can piece together a rule-book that God has no intention of signing off on. I had no choice. I needed to call the head of the scholarship committee and ask for an advance on the money I was due to have next semester.

He was very kind but said he would have to call a meeting to get approval for this to happen. I felt this was highly irregular. I don’t like asking people to do highly irregular stuff for me. I envisioned the committee all in their beds when their telephones rang and they each got out of bed and walked to the other side of the room on a cold floor to answer a call about me.  It was humbling.

You know what, though? God is in the business of doing highly irregular things when His children find themselves in highly irregular circumstances! How about that time when the Israelites needed a little more daylight to finish their fighting? No problem, God kindly made the sun stand still at Joshua’s highly unusual request (Joshua 10:12-13).

The Syrophonecian woman, in essence, got told by the Son of God that it would be highly irregular for Him to heal her demon-possessed son since technically only the house of Israel was on His current agenda.  She was not so easily put off.  Her faith found a tiny loophole, if you will, and she got the healing she needed for her child (Mark 7:24-29).

My need was nothing compared to these examples, but I serve the same God they did. You do too!

Back to the story.

If you know anything about church committees, you know nothing happens quickly.

By now you’re probably not surprised that the leader called the next day and said he’d contacted enough people to make the move on my behalf and the check was in the mail.

That’s it. That’s my story.

Fear dogged my every step, but in the end, by God’s grace and my taking Him at His word, she lost! 

How about you? Is Fear reigning in your life or are you drop-kicking her ne step of faith at a time?

My Fear and Faith Journey

Here is the rest of the story, Friends.

Let me back up a little. One of the requirements for acceptance into the school was a letter from my pastor. I was one of 30,000 members and my pastor didn’t know me from Adam’s horsefly. I had to go to the pastoral office for an interview. I’ll never forget it. I was so nervous!  I was working in the church nursery at the time, and I asked a group of friends to pray the interview would go well. I get to the pastoral office and the lay-pastor says, “Georgia, your reputation precedes you.” Huh? What reputation? He said, “As I was walking to my office for this interview, I ran into _______________.   She said,  'You are about to interview Georgia today and ….” I don’t even remember what was said but when I got out of that interview, my heart was so full! I had never felt the urge to shout until that day. I never felt the urge to dance and raise my hands like I did that day. I'm not a shouter or dancer and  I was not in a place where that sort of behavior would be understood,. So, I went to the church library, waaaay behind the back shelves where nobody could see me, and I raised my hands, waved them in a way that God would hear “HALLELUJAH” from my heart. I didn’t dare speak. Tears stung my eyes. I was not the crying type. I paced the floor with glory-to-God---there-is-NOBODY-like-You,-Lord energy! My God, your God, our Way-Maker had caused the path of the nursery supervisor and lay-pastor to intersect at just the right moment on behalf of little old me.

He’ll do it for you, too, My Friend. I know He already has for many of you, but right now you may be facing a new challenge and the terrain looks like nowhere your feet have been before. That’s alright. If the Father has called you there, He’s already got cleats, sandals, snowshoes, hiking boots---whatever kind of shoe you need to get across that terrain. I have learned that it’s ok if your legs are trembling so long as the feet attached are stepping out in faith. Are you going to go or not?

OK, now for the tuition part.

I had a little money saved for my first class that summer. Earlier that spring, I heard a voice say, “Loan that money to ___________.” I pretended He was talking to someone else. I reasoned that it was the devil trying to trip me up. I rationalized that it was my overactive conscience and that I should ignore it. The impression would not go away. Ya’ll, I went to the mat on that one! How did I know I would get the money back in time? You already know what happened. I loaned the money through tight fists and gritted teeth, and the money was returned in time.

My church had a scholarship program for students back then. Fear said, “That money is for young people trying to pay for college, not old heads like you.” I think I may have talked to a friend about it, and she encouraged me to apply anyway. The amount of money I got determined how many classes I could take. I started out with one class. The next semester, I went to pay for one class. 

“Ma’am, your class has already been paid for.” 

The tears came before I could compose myself. The lady looked a little embarrassed at such emotion. I couldn’t help it. Why would anyone want to pay my way? Who was I? I was able to take a second class that semester with the money I had from the scholarship program.

Over time, I noticed that the checks got smaller each scholarship season.  One time I got called to the office. That feeling was like going to the principal’s office.

“Someone has donated $1,000 in scholarship money-an anonymous donor.” Another student was in the office with me and was receiving the same amount. I remember we both sat in stunned silence and got our lips to move at the same time when we said, “Oh my gosh!” Apparently, that sort of thing happened all the time because one office lady said to the other, “I thought I’d let you have the experience this time.” Imagine what it’s like to be on her side of things; having the joy of sharing exciting news of money falling from heaven to needy students. God bless whoever it was who gave!

I now have a notebook with letters I got in the mail during those years of anonymous donors giving $100 and $500, but that’s not all.

I fear I’ve made this post too long so I will save the rest for tomorrow.

Know this: this is not a story about me. I hope you see, I’m nothing special. I have all the same doubts and fears as any of you. No, this is the story of one regular person’s experience with an extraordinary God. You have stories too! I’d love to hear them!  You may email me: ordinerrygirl@yahoo.com.

My Fight With Fear

I was reading the account of the Israelites when they saw the Egyptian soldiers coming after them. God had just delivered them from 400 years of bondage and they’d witnessed the amazing feats the Lord performed through the ten plagues. Listen to what they said as they saw the clouds of dust from the chariots and horses feverishly advancing toward them: “Is it because there were no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? Why have you dealt with us in this way, bringing us out of Egypt? Is this not the word that we spoke to you in Egypt saying, ‘Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians’? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness.” (Exodus 14:11-12)

They were lying through their chattering teeth! They were getting out of Egypt as fast as they could when the time came. Fear will do that to you. It will rewrite your history.  Fear will make the bondage you came out of shine with a glow it NEVER possessed-- all because the blank screen of the future is unclear.  You have to pull yourself together, Girl! Don’t swallow the lies your fake friend Fear tells you. “I’m only trying to protect you from harm and from looking like a fool,” she says. Fear has a vivid imagination. She paints in detail all the things that will go wrong if you trust God. She makes “safe” look like a beautiful, cushy place when in reality it is ugly with disobedience, unbelief, and boredom!

I recall MANY times when fear tried all of the above on me. (She has me on speed-dial. You too?) Her best tactic with me is, “There’s no money for that.” She used it to try to keep me out of seminary. Keith and I didn’t have two pennies to rub together, and I was at home full time homeschooling our three children. I’ll tell you some other time how the Lord called me to go back to school, but God made it plain He wanted me to go. None of it made sense. What about the children? Keith worked days so how was all of that going to work out? Online was not an option for the schools I wanted to attend. Ladies, when all of those questions come up that you don’t have an answer for, you gotta pass the buck to God! He can handle it!

I applied for seminary and was accepted, but I still didn’t know how I would pay for it.

God led me to the biography of a man named George Mueller. I consider him the prince of faith in God. God led George Mueller to start I don’t know how many orphanages with not ONE fundraiser or request of ANY kind to anyone but Him. You heard me right. He only went to God in prayer and every. single.  time., God showed up. For example, one day they had run out of food. Mueller had all the children get up that morning and sit at the table as usual. They prayed for God to provide breakfast. Then came the knock at the door. It was the milk man. His truck had broken down, and he wondered if they could use the milk. Then came the baker. God had awakened him early and impressed upon him to bake enough bread to take to the orphanage. Stuff like that happened all the time with Mueller.

With this story burning a hole in my heart, I asked God if I could trust Him like that. “Lord, may I get Your permission to commit to not take out any student loans to pay for school for me?” Our Daddy granted permission and then the games began!! Was I scared? Yes. Did I have times when I wished I’d done it like normal people and took out loans? Sadly, yes, but if I had gone that route, I would have missed out on all God did in those years.

I gotta get ready for work, so I will continue this tomorrow. Just let me leave you with this. Fear is a thief of godly adventure. She is always telling lies on God and trying to kidnap you from your purpose. Without faith it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 12;6).  So, Girls, let’s get to “faithin’”!

Free Writing: Day 12

Back to the story I began yesterday . I wanted to share what I learned in hopes it will encourage you.

First, I learned that what I want God to do and what God wants to do may not be the same. I cried out earnestly to Him about this problem, and it seemed He was silent. Didn't He care that I was suffering? I assumed that He wanted me out of my predicament as much as I did. That may be true, but the difference was WHEN! Extended time in God's waiting room turns the walls into mirrors where we see ourselves in ways we otherwise might not. Sometimes those mirrors reveal fat rolls of entitlement, and a sagging commitment to trust Him though He slay us (Job 13:15). We discover that we've pieced together a theology that is not in God's size and color. It fits the god we assumed He is, and we must make adjustments. Also, long waits can bring out the spoiled brat we didn't know lived inside. Mine got spanked. It's what happens with a loving Father (Hebrews 12:6). 

The second lesson was more a reminder than a fresh truth:  Convictions are nonnegotiable- so anytime you're negotiating, you have taken a wrong turn. Get back to right as quickly as possible. 

Finally, there is a subtle decay that happens when we start down the road of compromise. This I find so scary. Like I mentioned yesterday, you're not aware anything is happening for a while. You may even be enjoying the time away. Outwardly, you're looking more powerful; however, underneath your heart is growing colder toward God, your spiritual ears are getting more hard of hearing, your soul is getting lean, and you are missing out on your purpose and His presence. It's not worth it! 

Well, that's what I learned through that last storm. I'm not proud of how I handled it, but if YOU learn something from the journey, it takes the sting out just a little.