What to Do When You Doubt God's Love

I recall thinking as a child that the love of my parents could be illustrated like Morse Code. The dashes were when they loved me, but the dots meant they didn't. I remember saying something to my daddy about this. His sweet brow furrowed as he tried to get into my young head and untangle my mangled ideas about his love. When he spanked me, I thought his love was taking a break. When he gave me candy, his love was back again. 

This is a childish perspective on love, but if we aren't careful, our view of God's love can be just as immature. If He is doing everything we ask, we are sure He loves us. Let Him remain silent too long about a request, and the questions start. A tragedy can pull our faith in Him up by the roots. For some, faith never grows in that spot again.

  Let's be honest, it takes an effort to think maturely when times are hard. Our emotions default to doubt and accusations when we are in pain. The enemy is at the ready to accuse God in the face of heartache, and our sinful emotions are quick to agree. Maturity reins it in more quickly, but the temptation, I believe, always arrives first. 

How do you keep your head in times when you feel God's love is a dot rather than a dash? You must become a frequent guest at all your favorite watering holes. Don't let your anger cause you to pout and stay away. Limp if you have to, but get yourself to where you find encouragement. In this culture, there is no excuse for drying up. Where do you go when you need a spike in encouragement? Do you call a friend? Listen to a favorite preacher online? Dig up some old sermon notes? Maybe you let a favorite Bible character whisper in your ear or reheat a Bible verse that's gone cold. 

I also think there is something to be said for being a regular customer at those places so that when troubles come, it's not such a stretch to get it together. Sometimes discouragement and defaulting to doubt are an easier visit if you've been hanging out close to their neighborhoods anyway. God's love hooks are wedged deeper in the hearts of those who hang out with Him than those making a visit like an in-law's uncle's cousin twice removed every other Christmas. It takes less to re-convince you of His love even while your heart is stinging from tragedy, My Friend, if you stay close. That's part of how faith matures, by doing the day to day love thing with the Lord. You already know that getting through the tough times strengthens you too. Each get-through builds a more convincing case for the love that will not let you go and makes you into one who won't let go of  Him either. 

 What can you do to keep your dot and dash looking more like a steady line? Attend church more regularly? Hang with people who are working on doing the same? Pull away from those who squelch your faith? Listen to music that pickles and preserves a strong faith? Pray more? 

Be encouraged, Dear Reader. God's love endures forever (Psalm 136). He has loved you with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3). Nothing can separate you from His love (Romans 8:38).  Believe it when you feel it and even more when you don't. 

How to Overcome Jealousy, Part 2

Yesterday I shared that overcoming jealousy can be a rather lengthy and painful process. One way to expedite victory is to humble yourself. This starts with calling jealousy what it is. It's not about how the object of your jealousy rubs what they have or what they are in your face. It's not that their personality is annoying and not that they need to grow up or tone it down. Even if all of that is true, it's not the real issue. The issue is that you resent their having the very thing you want. They possess something that is dear to your heart, and you can't stand it. That big lump of pride goes down hard, but it will make the rest of the surgery go much more smoothly.  So say it: Father, I am jealous that ___________ has _________and I don't. 

Next, ask God to reveal what you believe you're missing out on.  There is ALWAYS a core hunger crouched beneath a jealousy. It's never about the man and the ring or the status or education. For example, let's say you are jealous of a friend who has a good man while you aren't even dating anyone. You're not really jealous that she has a good man. You are jealous of the companionship, maybe the security, the intimacy, the validation, or the stability she has. This shows up your loneliness and insecurity. It may even highlight a feeling of rejection a lack of a man makes you feel. Not pretty, is it? No sense kicking yourself or wallowing in it. It is what it is, and the good news is you're working through it. 

Next, you must remember jealousy is a very irrational emotion. You know, like a two-year old pitching a fit because she wants cookies BEFORE carrots NOW! Jealousy wants what her friend has NOW. Never mind that you are not ready for a relationship or it is not God's timing. Your friend has it now, and you want it now too. 

Commercial break brought to you by Isaiah 55:8-9, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

....and we're back.

I have discovered that one of the best cures for jealousy is perspective. I was so eaten up with jealousy back in the day that I couldn't hear the Father say, "Your turn will come." My friend's turn had come. Like a guest at a birthday party of a friend who hit the mother lode, I needed to remember this was her moment in the sun, not mine. 

Jealousy told me mine would never come. She's a liar, which brings me to the next cure: You know jealousy is lying when her lips are moving. Her breath smells like impatience, and her teeth are black with hopelessness. Always ask yourself, "Where is the lie?"  Ask the Father to help you sniff it out. It may take a minute, but He will. Ironically, you are most likely to find it hiding in the closet of a truth in God's Word. For example, Jeremiah:29:11 says, "I know the plans I have for you... to give you a hope and a future." This bright truth has its nemesis hiding in the closet where it's dark whispering, "You have a bleak future with no man." See what I mean? I trust you to make application for your own jealousy scenario if the man issue is not yours.  

The point is that jealousy can be defeated. My journey was a hard one because I had so many issues that needed to be cleared up before the surgery could be a success. I hope yours is not as arduous, but even if it is, it's worth it. The joy and perspective are like a life-giving transfusion. Your quality of life will increase massively,  and there will be spring in your step powered by life and that more abundantly. 

How to Overcome Jealousy, Part 1

Jealousy. Don't you wish it was not a part of your life? I am sure I experienced it as a child, but my first real war with it came in my adult years. My world was small and I was happy, but one day my friend's world got larger and I noticed a nasty emotion. I tried to ignore it (denial) but it wouldn't go away. Why was I saying these ugly things to someone I loved? We used to talk about anything, but why were there suddenly certain topics I wished they would keep to themselves? One day I slammed the phone receiver down and the Lord hit me right between the eyes when He said, "You, my dear, are JEALOUS!" 

I tried everything to get rid of it. I tried to be happy for my friend. I tried confessing it to death. I asked for a radical jealous-ectomy. None of this worked. Don't you hate it when you feel something you know you shouldn't? 

I was at a loss. I think I even looked for sermons on the internet on this topic. They seemed to quiet the monster for a season, but then it would come back, sometimes with two heads and an extra tail! 

  Much can be said about this ugly emotion, but a couple of things have been etched on my heart about it.

  1. Jealousy reveals what our heart values. We are never jealous of something we don't want. Sometimes what we are jealous of shows how shallow we are or how discontent we are with what God has given us. 

 2. Jealousy reduces people down to objects or looks or money. People are so much more than that. I realized my friend didn't want what I envied about her to blind me to her need for friendship, for an encourager, for a lunch partner-- all that is good in human relationships. Sounds shameful, doesn't it? Would you want to lose a friend because she couldn't get past your owning something she wanted? It cheapens something precious. 

  3. Getting over jealousy is not usually an out-patient procedure. No, it's a rather lengthy and painful surgery because it strikes at the core of what really matters to us. Get healing in those areas and you can cut off both heads of the monster. 

What about you? Have you struggled with jealousy? What have you discovered is a way to overcome it? 

  

Doodles on Discipline

Discipline. Don't you just love it? Me neither, but it is a must if we're ever going to get anything done.

This morning it was all I could do to stay in that chair to type those entries on my paper. Suddenly, doing the laundry looked more appealing, oh, and sucking the lint off the coils in back of my fridge--a must-do, right? 

  Discipline has never been a strength of mine. How about you? No, anytime I've been disciplined, it had a little sweat on it. I guess that's what discipline is, something you work at until it becomes a part of you. 

  Someone I know who seems to have been disciplined all her life talked about what got her there. She said, "You just do it. Don't think about it, or you'll talk yourself out of it. Just get moving. Just do it."

I've been in "just do it mode" before. My legs would swing over the side of the bed, ignoring the pleas to sleep just five more minutes. Sometimes I remind myself what shape I'm in and it motivates me to go walking. I am not in that mode with exercise right now. I want to get back to that place in that part of my life. What about you? Where do you want to build a habit? Your prayer life? Exercise? Making time for relationships instead of always putting them off? 

What part do you believe God plays in forming a habit? Do you think He leaves that part of our lives up to us? 

I think we can always ask Him to help us have the mindset we need to get disciplined. We can get so bogged in the trying that we forget the why. There has to be a why or it's just tedious and boring! Am I right?

 Ok, so think now of your area that's in need of discipline. Got it? Now answer the why question. In other words, what is the point? What benefits will you get if you discipline yourself?

Here is the clincher: how badly do you want the result?  This colors every aspect of it. What you are aiming to accomplish has to mean more to you than all you have to go through to get it. 

I have a quote on my wall that says it in a nutshell. Muhammad Ali said, " I hated every minute of training, but I said, 'Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.'"

Could it be we need to go ahead and admit that some things just aren't worth what it takes to get them? No shame, just getting honest with ourselves. A muffin top is not so bad if it means giving up sweating and grunting and "all like-o'-that" as my  mom-in-law says. 

Some things don't mean what they should to us. For those, we call on God to change our perspective. Do you believe He will? It beats all the squirming in guilt, I think. 

One last thing on this topic. I think the biggest enemy of discipline is perfectionism. We set out with the goal of licking a problem definitively and for all time, amen. 

Baloney! 

We defeat ourselves from the get-go. Oh, we say nobody is perfect, but in our minds we aim for it anyway. Then, we get discouraged because the exquisite portrait we painted in our heads is poorly reflected in the lopsided- stick-man, colored-outside-the lines that is our reality. God has been saying to me for quite sometime, "Don't look at Me. That portrait in your head is one of YOUR making. I called you to something better than perfection. I called you to walk in step with Me--even with your stumbling and missteps. I said to take up my yoke and LEARN of Me. I don't need your perfection and you don't either. " 

Chew on that, my friends, and share with me your thoughts. 

A Hard Day

Somebody hurt my feelings today.

No use trying not to think about it. It's all I can think about. You know, sometimes you're not ready to be made to feel better. Sometimes you want to be given time to get to wanting help to feel better, don't you?

It was a remark that took me by surprise. I never trusted this person completely anyway, but just when I let my guard down and acted  like it might be a normal relationship after all, WHAM!

 No more. 

I don't think God wants us to be fools who keep going back for a bloody nose. 

This remark was a jab at a weak spot I can't do anything about. No, not a weak spot, just a step below their step. This remark revealed what I've suspected all along. It's kind of like when you walk and your slip peeks out every few steps. 

Anyway, I can spiritualize this and come up with a happy ending, but I'm too tired for that. 

It's late and I'll likely be over it tomorrow when you read this post.

Thanks, Folks, for stopping by like you do! 

Enjoy God's Forgiveness!

Guilt. There is no feeling like it. It's a nasty feeling like when I skip a day taking a shower..except the feeling is on the inside. For me, it starts like piercing in the middle  of my chest. Then that dirty feeling hops a ride through every vein in my body and spreads the news, " She did it again! How could she? How many times is she gonna do this? I thought we were at least done with THIS sin." 

My spirit cowers because it agrees with everything that's said.

I know forgiveness is available for the asking, but my sense of unworthiness says, " No, don't ask for it just yet. You don't deserve a quick forgiveness. You should suffer a little before you go plunge in the cleansing flood."  Anyone been there too?

So,  on your weaker days, you stay a while outside the Pool, lingering long enough to let the guilt get in a few extra punches before you jump in. 

You may stay away from your Bible awhile because the guilt is already intense and you're afraid if you read, you'll feel even worse, and you don't know if you can take it. Maybe you even stay away from church, waiting for the sting to wear off so you can stand to face everyone. Friend, your guilt has morphed into shame! 

This is exactly what the enemy wanted. Don't give him the satisfaction!

I remember as a child, along with other kids on the free lunch program at school, being shamed out of  going inside to get the meal being offered. I allowed those bullies to keep me hungry all day because I tried to act like I wasn't hungry.  I can hear you saying it now, "But you WERE hungry, and that's what the lunch program was for!" 

Same with forgiveness. We ARE guilty and that's what the blood of Christ is for. Don't allow the bully of shame to make you stand outside and go without what God provided. Guilt is what forgiveness is for! Don't go hungry for His forgiveness. He WANTS you to take it.

No more lingering outside to self-flog or let the enemy get in an extra lick either. Jesus already took all the licks you need. Your taking a few extra is disrespectful of what He did. He meant it when He said, "It is finished," so let it be finished. 

So what do you do with that sense of indebtedness you feel at receiving something so wonderful and undeserved? You just wanna pay Him back, don't you? Pay it in the currency that God accepts: show that same forgiveness to somebody else. Despite your anger with them, you are more undeserving of God's forgiveness than you feel they are of yours. This forgiveness stuff becomes less between you and your offender and more between you and God. You owe God the forgiving of your offender. 

Friend, this is good news! Step in, receive that wonderful, undeserved, unfair forgiveness then turn around and give it to someone else.

A Test of Faith

Remember when I told you that the Lord had given permission to not borrow money to go to school but to trust Him to provide?

Well, one semester something went wrong. I can’t remember what it was, but there was no money for that semester’s classes. What to do?

I can still see it in my mind’s eye; sitting in my car in the parking lot of the school wrestling with what? My vow? Myself? God? Whoever was in the ring with me was not getting any rest. See, the school had a program where you could fill out a form (it was on blue paper) if you were having trouble with tuition. I hated those forms because they seemed to ask everything from what your income was to what color underwear your grandmother was wearing when Kennedy was killed. I tried to fill it out, but I kept getting stuck. There was this nagging voice (not audible) that kept frustrating the process. The interchange went something like this:

Voice: Not speaking but going tap…tap…tap…tap on my conscience.

Me: Ignore…fidget…squirm…try to concentrate on filling out the form.

Voice: Nudge…nudge… poke…. “I thought we had an agreement.”

Me: SIGH….stare straight ahead. Clearing my throat.

Voice: “Remember? No taking out loans.”

Me: “This is not a loan. They will pay my tuition up front and then over the semester I will pay the money…back.”

Voice: Not saying a word…just letting my eyes land on the top of the page of the form where it read “Loan Application for Student Aid”

That was it. I tore it up right there in the car.

So how was I supposed to pay for classes?

Oh! I remember now why I had no school money: the scholarship awards were split. I had already received the first half, and the new term had begun long before the second half of the award was due me.

You have to know me to understand why all of this was such a big deal. I am a rule follower. I am unassuming. Nobody owes me anything and I do not ask people to bend the rules for me. It simply isn’t done. God has a way of challenging our trumped-up principles. We can piece together a rule-book that God has no intention of signing off on. I had no choice. I needed to call the head of the scholarship committee and ask for an advance on the money I was due to have next semester.

He was very kind but said he would have to call a meeting to get approval for this to happen. I felt this was highly irregular. I don’t like asking people to do highly irregular stuff for me. I envisioned the committee all in their beds when their telephones rang and they each got out of bed and walked to the other side of the room on a cold floor to answer a call about me.  It was humbling.

You know what, though? God is in the business of doing highly irregular things when His children find themselves in highly irregular circumstances! How about that time when the Israelites needed a little more daylight to finish their fighting? No problem, God kindly made the sun stand still at Joshua’s highly unusual request (Joshua 10:12-13).

The Syrophonecian woman, in essence, got told by the Son of God that it would be highly irregular for Him to heal her demon-possessed son since technically only the house of Israel was on His current agenda.  She was not so easily put off.  Her faith found a tiny loophole, if you will, and she got the healing she needed for her child (Mark 7:24-29).

My need was nothing compared to these examples, but I serve the same God they did. You do too!

Back to the story.

If you know anything about church committees, you know nothing happens quickly.

By now you’re probably not surprised that the leader called the next day and said he’d contacted enough people to make the move on my behalf and the check was in the mail.

That’s it. That’s my story.

Fear dogged my every step, but in the end, by God’s grace and my taking Him at His word, she lost! 

How about you? Is Fear reigning in your life or are you drop-kicking her ne step of faith at a time?