Free Writing: Day 11

Waiting is hard, isn’t it? There seem to be seasons where waiting is the only thing happening. Waiting for the check in the mail, waiting for the mechanic to call to say your car is ready, waiting for an apology or for someone to change.

God has brought me through a terrible season of waiting. It was so difficult and frustrating. Some waiting seasons are so long you quit praying for what you want to happen and just try to get through them with your wits intact.

After this last waiting storm, my spirit was tattered and there was a sizeable hole in a place that had once been air-tight. In order to be as vague as possible, let’s just say I let my convictions slip. Something I had always been careful not to do became a heart-habit. Some soul-searching in hindsight has yielded the following: I became angry with God and got tired of all of that waiting. I had prayed and begged and tried to be patient, but my patience ran out. It didn’t run out in one gush; it was a slow leak and before I realized, I began morphing a clear-cut conviction into a gray area. Do you get what I am saying? My spirit was angry with God so I figured, “Why should I be so meticulous in areas where others seem to have no problem slacking off. Maybe I’ve been too uptight about ___________.” It all sounded so logical at the time. Anger has that way about it. It fuels what your sinful nature wants to do anyway. It leaves the door unlocked so that ugly things can walk in. Believe me, they WILL walk in and have a seat, eat your food, sleep in your bed, steal your joy, and leave you messed up!

This reminds me of the Bible’s account of Samson and Delilah. Remember? Delilah asked Samson the secret to killing his amazing strength. When he finally told her, the Bible says he got up that next morning like always and didn’t know the Lord had left him. (Judges 16:20) Chilling!

That’s how compromise will do you. You rationalize here, side-step there, and ride the fence in another place until you are far away from where you once were, and you don’t even know it.

This is where I found myself. Until Wednesday night. I was at Bible study and the Holy Spirit, with a gentleness that makes me want to hug Him if I could, spoke to me: “Daughter, you’ve got to get back to center.” Then He mentioned that heart-habit. “Remember when this was not a part of your life?” When God shows you stuff, sometimes it makes you gasp. He gives you a glimpse of that spot you used to occupy in the secret place of the Most High…in the shadow of the Almighty. Then He shows how huge the gap is to the desert place where you wound up.

“Repent and come back to Me,” He said, as He patted that place on His lap. That place where I had leaned on His holy chest and cried because I was frustrated with Him in my waiting.

I am so thankful for His grace that called me back. I have confessed and that sin is out of my life. His forgiveness is so sweet and so undeserved.

What about you, My Friend? Are you angry with God? Have you pulled away from Him? Have your convictions in certain areas slipped? Come back.

Tomorrow I will share about some lessons this storm has taught me. In the meantime, I invite you to  bow before Him in repentance, and recommit yourself  to Him. Climb back into His lap and enjoy renewed fellowship with our heavenly Daddy. There’s nothing like it!